


Body of Desperation

by Marrilyn



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Begging, Blood and Injury, Comfort, Couch Cuddles, F/F, Help, Hugs, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Offering, Offers, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-10 07:19:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13497350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marrilyn/pseuds/Marrilyn
Summary: Rowena offers herself to reader in exchange for a refuge.





	Body of Desperation

Out of all things you expected to find at your door, Rowena MacLeod was last on the list.

Huddled up and shaking as if she'd been hit by a truck, she looked the picture of distressed. Her hair was messy, wild hairs sticking out in all directions, resembling a bird's nest. Her clothes were torn and ripped apart, barely held together on her trembling body. Dark, purple bruises marred her face, tarnishing the delicate skin. Her bottom lip was split, a trail of dry blood trickling down her chin.

She may as well have been hit by a truck, for her appearance certainly looked it.

"Rowena? What happened? Are you okay?" you asked, taking in the person-shaped mess in front of you.

If there was one thing you knew about Rowena, it was that she always looked on point. Her makeup was always flawless, hairstyle perfect without a hair out of place, clothes the most expensive and neat there are. She would never go out in public looking like this. Something bad must have happened to her.

"Y/N, I need help."

The weakness in her voice shattered your heart. The last time you saw her, the two of you had a loud argument which ended with you storming out and never returning. Months without her hurt more than you would like to admit, but seeing her like this, asking for help… Somehow, it managed to hurt more than anything ever before.

Well,  _almost_  anything.

Nothing could compete with hearing that dreadful crack and watching her limp body drop to the cold floor, lifeless eyes staring straight into you.

Before you had a chance to mouth something in response, Rowena said, "Please. I need a safe place to spend the night. Just  _one_  night."

She looked down for a second, then her eyes, teary and full of sadness you'd never seen in her before, connected with yours, and it was as if the entire world's sorrow spilled into you.

"I will do anything you want."

Her shaky hands clasped over her chest, undoing a few buttons on her silky blouse.

_"_ _Anything."_

Her tone, accompanied by her gestures, had been clear enough as to what that  _anything_ entailed.

Your stomach churned at the mere thought of what she was implying, tears prickling at your eyes. Why would she make you an offer like that? Why would she think you would ever take her up on it? The two of you may have split under difficult circumstances, but you would never stoop that low. You would never take advantage of someone who was desperate and clearly in need of help – especially when that someone was the woman you could never, despite many attempts, stop loving.

You could argue with her, you could scream at her and curse her out, but you could never hurt her like that.

"Please," Rowena continued, the begging tone so unlike her that you wanted to weep. What happened to the proud woman who wouldn't let you disinfect a cut on her arm out of fear you would pity her?

"Rowena, come on in."

Pushing back the tears that threatened to fall, you ushered her inside and locked the door behind her.

"You won't regret it, Y/N," she said, pulling on a fake smile, hands working on undoing the rest of the buttons on her blouse. "I can do things that you've never even dreamed of before."

"No," you said quickly, taking hold of her wrists. She flinched at the touch, but quickly regained her composure. Tears spilled down her bruised cheeks, but even still, she kept on faking that smile as if her life depended on it. Which, it seemed, wasn't that far from the truth.

"Don't be shy, dear. It's nothing you haven't seen before," she said through tears, letting out a sniffle.

"Not like this," you pointed out, releasing her. When the two of you had sex in the past, it was consensual. You both wanted it. Neither of you was under pressure or led by fear. "I don't want this. It's not right."

Rowena gulped. "Y/N, please, let me stay. Maybe I can pleasure you in a different way? There's plenty of things I'm good at."

"No, Rowena, I don't want you to…  _pleasure_ me in any way," you said, stomach turning at even having to say it. "You can stay. It's not a problem."

"Really?"

The disbelief on her face was heartbreaking, as if she couldn't fathom that someone would help a person like her without asking for anything in return.

"Yes," you said. "You can stay for as long as you want. I don't mind."

"Thank you!" she said. "Oh, thank you! I owe you."

"You don't owe me anything," you told her. You laid your hands on her shoulders, your touch gentle, caring, letting her know that it was okay, that you meant her no harm. She relaxed under your warmth, tense muscles calming. Whatever happened must have been truly terrible. Rowena never begged unless she was in dire need of assistance. "Come sit. Let me have a look at your injuries."

"I'm fine, dear. You don't have to bother with wee ole me. This is nothing I can't handle."

"It's not a bother. Come on."

You led her to the couch, carefully sitting her down. Her injuries protested her movements and she flinched, letting out pained hisses and groans as you worked on getting her comfortable.

"It's okay," you said softly, giving her hair a comforting caress. "You're gonna be okay."

You poured her a glass of water before rushing to fetch the first aid kit, healing supplies, a cloth, and a bowl of water. The glass was half empty when you returned, and you made a mental note to refill it once you were done with dressing her wounds.

"What happened?" you asked as you dipped the cloth in water and tapped at the crusted blood on her face. Rowena hissed, flinching for a second, but she quickly regained her composure and did her best to remain still as you cleaned her. You kept your touch gentle; the cloth was soft enough, but there was no way to know how hard she'd been hit.

Rowena was silent for a moment, then softly uttered, "Lucifer."

_Lucifer._

The devil.

The person the two of you argued about and the reason you'd turned your back on her all those months ago,

As if it wasn't enough that she had chosen him over you, ignoring all your warnings, you also had to watch her die. You couldn't take it anymore. Betrayal was one thing, but death… It broke you.

So you called it quits. You left and never came back.

Only to find her at your doorstep, looking half dead and offering her body in exchange for a refuge.

"He tried to kill me. I got away," Rowena continued, taking breaths in between words to keep from stuttering.

"He's still after you?"

She nodded. "I stunned him with a spell, but it won't last long. He's probably looking for me as we speak."

"And you came here?"

It was supposed to be a simple question, but from the way she flinched, you could tell it came off as more of an accusation.

"I had nowhere else to go," Rowena explained, a tinge of fear in her voice. "Your house is the only place that is warded against him."

"It's okay," you said softly. "I didn't mean it like that. I'm glad you came here."

She raised an eyebrow. "You are?"

"Yeah. To tell you the truth, I've been meaning to call you these days. I shouldn't have left like that."

"I can't say I blame you," she said. "I've made some terrible decisions. Look where it got me."

"None of this is your fault."

She may have had a hand in letting Lucifer out, but it was Castiel who allowed him into his body. If anyone should have been to blame, it was the angel.

"I drove you away," Rowena said. She hissed as you tapped a deep cut on her cheek and you muttered an apology.

"I could have given you a chance," you said.

Disinfecting the cuts and rubbing healing salves over the bruises on her face, you helped her remove her clothing. You tossed the blood-stained, tattered pieces into a pile, making a note to dispose of them later. The rest of her body was in the same condition as her face, skin dappled with dark purple bruises and tiny cuts.

"I'll be done soon," you said when Rowena shivered. Being naked – save from the lacy bra and panties, which you decided to let her keep on – and covered in injuries from head to toe was far from comfortable. Looking her over, you wondered how she managed to get to your house in this condition. Those wounds must have hurt really bad. Not only had she fought off an archangel and ran for help, but she also intended to have sex with you like this.

Just how much pain had this woman been through in her life that she could endure this?

"You didn't have to do that. Offer yourself" you said after a while, as you finished bandaging a cut on her arm. 

Rowena lowered her head, shame hanging over her face. "I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me."

"I know we parted on less than ideal terms, but you're always welcome here," you told her, looking her directly in the eyes. "No matter what."

"I couldn't take that chance. People usually aren't welcoming without getting something in return."

"You mean, you've had to do this before?"

She nodded, more tears falling down her face.

Your own tears spilling, you said, "Never again. You hear me? I won't ever let it happen again."

"Why? Why are you helping me?" she said in a small voice, tone close to that of a whisper.

"'Cause letting something happen to you would be wrong." You took a deep breath. "And also 'cause I… I still care about you."

Rowena shot you a glance, both curious and incredulous at the same time. A soft laugh escaped you as you put the supplies away, having finished on her wounds.

"Come on. Did you really think I stopped? It's not that easy," you said, taking her hand in both of yours. "I mean, it's  _you._  You're different, y'know? Special."

"I  _am_  one of a kind," she agreed, raising her head high and prompting you to chuckle. She smiled, then winced when it pulled at her split lip. "I haven't forgotten you, either, Y/N."

_I still care about you, too._

Getting Rowena to say it out loud was mission impossible. But even when she spoke vaguely, you always knew what she meant. Having spent almost two years with her, you'd learned to recognize hidden meanings in her words. Having been hurt by love in the past, she'd grown to resent it, thinking it a weakness. That didn't mean she couldn't feel it, but a proud woman like her would rather die than admit to weakness.

So she spoke in euphemisms.

And you understood every single one.

"I've been meaning to contact you, as well, but it never seemed like the right time," she continued. "Something would always come up. So…"

"You kept putting it off," you finished for her. She nodded. "Yeah, same here. I don't even know where to start. So much has happened since I last saw you."

"Aye." Her fingers curled around yours, twining them in a knot. "I'm not the person I was back then. I don't hurt people anymore."

You smiled. "You  _do_  seem different."

"I thought giving up my quest for power would make me happy, but… it hasn't." She lowered her gaze. "I'm more relaxed now, but nothing I do – or don't do – is making me happy. Maybe there really is no hope for me."

"Of course there is!" you exclaimed, squeezing her hand. You brought one of your hands to her less bruised cheek and gently cupped it. She eased into your touch, welcoming your tenderness on her skin. "You can – and  _will_  – be happy. You just need to try a little harder."

"I already have."

"Then try something different," you offered. "Why don't you stay here, with me? Not just until this is over, but for good."

"You really mean that?" Rowena asked in disbelief. 

"Yeah. Like I said, you're always welcome here. I'd love to have you around more permanently."

It was a small house, but still, you often found yourself feeling lonely. With Rowena around, you would have someone to talk to. Someone to wake up to, to smile and laugh with, to brighten you day by simply being there. Someone you could potentially make happy, and who would make you happy in return.

"I mean, I know it's not the luxury you're used to, but it's private and warded. All I ask in return is that you continue teaching me magic – if you want. There's still so much I wanna learn."

"Yes!" Rowena said without a moment of hesitation, face lighting up. "If you will have me, I will stay and resume teaching you." Tears welled up in her eyes again, a single one escaping down her cheek. "Thank you, Y/N."

"There's no need to thank me."

All you wanted was for her to be here, to be happy and healthy. Nothing else mattered more than her wellbeing.

"When would you like to start your lessons?"

"When you get better, okay?"

"Tomorrow is good for me," she said.

"I mean, when you're all healed up. I don't want you overexerting yourself. Stay in bed for a few days, get some strength. I don't want you doing anything until these bruises are gone. Deal?"

Rowena nodded.

You smiled.

"Good. I'll go prepare the bed. I'll take the couch for now. When you get better, we'll figure something out. Until then, my room's all yours.

A look of guilt flashed across Rowena's face. "Why don't you sleep with me?"

The thought  _had_  crossed your mind, but you didn't want to make it awkward. Rowena was badly injured. You figured she wanted some privacy.

"Are you sure? I don't wanna make you uncomfortable or anything."

"Aye."

"You know I'm a messy sleeper. I could hit you."

"It's nothing I can't handle," she said. "What do you say, darling?"

"Okay," you said. "Just like old times!"

Rowena smiled. "Indeed."

"Can I hug you?" you asked. You never had to ask before, but she was injured. You didn't want to cause her anymore pain.

"Aye, you can."

Grinning, you opened your arms and slowly, carefully wrapped them around her. Rowena leaned forwards, nestling into your chest, head resting in the crook of your neck. She returned the hug, her arms loosely hanging around your middle. She was exactly as you remembered her; tiny and warm, a huggly plush toy in human form.

All past arguments forgotten, you wanted to keep her here forever, safe in your arms, far away from the devil and everyone else who wanted to harm her. She wasn't the same person she was back then, and neither were you. It took abandoning her for you to realize how much you needed her in your life, how much you cared for her and cherished her.

How much you  _loved_  her.

With everyone else it would have been just a phase, but with Rowena it was different. A woman like her was difficult to forget, and impossible not to love.

Not that you would even want to try.

**Author's Note:**

> Edited by OswinTheStrange.
> 
> I owe huge thanks to ed_geins_tailor, who got me back into Rowena mood by chatting with me for, like, three hours a few days ago. You're so sweet!


End file.
